The Letters (the 84, Charing Cross Road remix)
by DragonyPhoenix
Summary: A relationship in letters, e-mails, and wedding invitations. Note: The formatter killed my tabs. Sorry about that. Notes on the story, including the whole remix of a remix and so it almost didn't get posted drama, can be read at Archive of Our Own. Just search on "The Letters (the 84, Charing Cross Road remix)"
1. Slug-scented candles

The Magic Box  
742 Maple Court  
Sunnydale, CA 93063

28 October 2000

Professor Severus Snape  
Defense Against the Dark Arts  
Hogwarts School  
84, Charing Cross Road  
London, W.C. 2

Dear Professor Snape,

Giles said to tell you – again – that there is nothing wrong with our herbs. By again he means that he's told you before and not that I've told you before because I've just been hired to this position and, as a full-time employee, have been trusted to manage your account. I'm sure if I do a good job he'll trust me with other long-distant accounts. So, when Giles said again, he meant we at this store, in our capacity as a corporate entity, are telling you again.

We, the store that is, have most certainly not been holding onto those herbs since the dawn of the Bronze Age. That doesn't even make sense because the Bronze Age would have started at completely different times based on varying geographical location. It's not as if everyone in the world woke up one morning and decided it was time to get civilized. Sunnydale itself was founded in 1899, centuries after the Bronze Age ended.

We know when most of the herbs were purchased, and it certainly wasn't as far back as the Bronze Age. We keep excellent records as did the previous owners. Well, the third owner back was pretty awful at record keeping, but the Vandal Root we sent you was brought into the store by the last owner and so we know exactly how long it's been here.

Anyway, Mr. Defense Against the Dark Arts instructor, if you knew anything about potions, you'd know that plants belonging to the Caprifoliaceae family are twisted by energies emanating from a Hellmouth. The herbs we sent you have been sitting on the shelf for six months. Given that this is a particularly strong Hellmouth, it's no wonder the herbs have gone wonky. I do hope that the students' fingers grow back, but it is certainly not our fault that you ordered from us before researching our establishment.

I am sending you a fresh batch of Vandal Root directly for one of our suppliers, one nowhere near a Hellmouth. I would charge you for this resupply but Giles, who owns the store, said that he hadn't been aware that a Hellmouth could change an herb's potencies and therefore it is our fault, well his fault, not mine. Your credit with the store remains at $1763.42. In future, when you pay with gold coins, you should not send them directly through the mail, but you should send them to me. I'm sure I could have gotten a better deal than Giles.

You have a large credit with the store. You should buy merchandise other than herbs. How do you feel about slug-scented candles?

I hope you are happy with this resolution so you will continue shopping at our store to make up for the money we spent replacing your stock.

Sincerely,  
Anya Jenkins  
Chief Employee in Charge of Sales Reparations

P.S. The word reparations should in no way suggest that we are at fault.


	2. Not your Dear

Hogwarts School  
84, Charing Cross Road  
London, W.C. 2

1 November 2000

Miss Anya Jenkins  
The Magic Box  
742 Maple Court  
Sunnydale, CA 93063

Madame,

I am reasonably confident that it is appropriate to address you as Miss rather than Mrs. Certainly no one with the personality that came through in your missive could have found anyone willing to share conjugal bliss.

That being out of the way, do not refer to me as "Dear". I may deign to purchase supplies from your disreputable establishment. That does not make us friends. In future, use my name and title – "Professor Snape" if that is unclear to you – as a salutation.

As for your allegation that I am unaware of the influence of Hellmouth energies upon the ingredients used in potions, I would refer you to my article "Discrepancies in the Aggregate Effects of the Energies of a Magnitude 1.2 Hellmouth on Plants in the Lamiancaea Family" in the Journal of Alchemical Elixers, Vol. 1479, Issue 7.

The school has received the replacement supply of Vandal Root. I have tested it and found it acceptable. Therefore, we will continue to use your shop as a supplier, but only if you can guarantee that you will not again make the mistake of sending us ingredients that have been transmuted by Hellmouth energies. We may, however, choose to specifically request such transmuted herbs.

Presumably you can provide the Sunnydale Hellmouth's exact power magnitude.

Professor Snape


	3. Madam

The Magic Box  
742 Maple Court  
Sunnydale, CA 93063

15 November 2000

Professor Severus Snape  
Defense Against the Dark Arts  
Hogwarts School  
84, Charing Cross Road  
London, W.C. 2

Hey! I could too be married. I'll have you know that I'm in a long-term relationship and that Xander is a wonderful man. When he finally moved out of his parent's basement, he rented a lovely apartment just because he knew I liked it even if it wasn't fiscally responsible because he hadn't been making enough money for it at the time. But then he got a raise and it all worked out.

And "Dear" is too an appropriate salutation for a business letter. I looked it up. Besides, if I can't call you "Dear", you can't call me "Madam". Don't you know that sexual connotations are not appropriate in a business setting? Except for advertising. Business advertising can be full of sex. Business correspondence, however, should be sex-free, as should the store itself – except possibly for in-store advertising. I haven't gotten a straight answer on that one yet. Moans, even If you are your boyfriend are completely out of sight, can still be heard by customers and therefore are completely unacceptable even though orgasms do relieve tension, which can build up in a commercial setting. You no idea how difficult customers can be.

How many times do I have to tell you that the issue with the Vandal Root was not our fault? Not my fault anyway. It may have been Giles' fault since he had no idea the Hellmouth could modify the potencies and properties of herbs. What does he think that _Little Shop of Horrors_ move was about if not a Venus Flytrap left on a Hellmouth for too long? Anyway, I'm willing to admit it might have been Giles' fault given that you do seem to know something about potions.

The magnitude of the Hellmouth? I'm not sure what to say. It's certainly more powerful than that one on Prague that's supposed to be all dark and powerful. Believe me, Prague's Hellmouth is like dipping your toe into a warm bath compared to the tsunami that is Sunnydale's.

Since I was willing to concede that Giles might have been at fault with the last order I was hoping you could suggest how much I could charge for Hellmouth-energized herbs. Granted, that twisting of the Vandal Root's properties was unexpected but only because you hadn't researched the shop well-enough to know we're on a Hellmough. Presumably herbs transmuted by Hellmouth energies can be useful in certain applications. Plus, based on your article, Hellmouth energies can enhance the potencies of certain herbs. That has to be worth a lot. Hellmouths are rare, especially ones as powerful as ours. Please get back to me quickly so I can raise our prices.

Sincerely  
Anya Jenkins  
Customer Relations


	4. It's science, with Professor Snape!

23 November 2000

Expose this crystal to the Sunnydale Hellmouths' energies for no less than twenty-two and no more than twenty-four hours. Return it to me by the same owl that brought it. The information I derive will allow me to calculate the magnitude of the Sunnydale Hellmouth.

Professor Snape


	5. Owl Attack

25 November 2000

Professor Snape,

You could have warned me before sending an owl to my shop! That swooping fiend scared off three of our customers. We've lost business due to your shenanigans, and I think you should make reparations. I've attached a list of herbs we currently sell. I will accept a description of how much we can charge for herbs transmuted by Hellmouth energies.

Anya Jenkins  
Customer Relations


	6. Algorithm

Hogwarts School  
84, Charing Cross Road  
London, W.C. 2

3 January 2001

Miss Anya Jenkins  
The Magic Box  
742 Maple Court  
Sunnydale, CA 93063

Miss Jenkins,

The attached document should describe to your satisfaction how you might update the prices of your herbs to reflect their exposure to the energies of the Sunnydale Hellmouth.

Professor Snape


	7. Half Their Potions

The Magic Box  
742 Maple Court  
Sunnydale, CA 93063

17 January 2001

Professor Severus Snape  
Defense Against the Dark Arts  
Hogwarts School  
84, Charing Cross Road  
London, W.C. 2

Professor Snape,

Thank you for the information but it took much longer than I'd expected. I see that you are not using GlobalExpress. It is much quicker for international mail. You should switch carriers.

I do appreciate the businesslike directness of your letter even if you didn't use a professional mail carrier like GlobalExpress. You have no idea how many people just ramble on, wasting my time as if I don't have a business to run.

I'm keeping my letter short so I can put your suggestions to good use and update our prices, even on those herbs bought when Elsa Lanchester owned the shop. As I may have mentioned, she kept terrible records, often none at all, and I have had to guess how long her herbs have been exposed to Hellmouth energies. Not to worry, though, I will make sure you never receive any of those dubious herbs. I'm planning on selling them to local witches. Most of them don't know what they are doing anyway. Half their potions turn to soup.

Sincerely,  
Anya Jenkins  
Customer Relations


	8. Shoddy Workmanship

Hogwarts School  
84, Charing Cross Road  
London, W.C. 2

15 February 2001

Miss Anya Jenkins  
The Magic Box  
742 Maple Court  
Sunnydale, CA 93063

Miss Jenkins,

You incompetent idiot of a Muggle. The Nux Myristica had been contaminated by close contact with a demon, most likely a sub-species of troll. A good half-dozen of Professor Slughorn's advanced students had to be transmuted back to human form. I personally think a few of them, specifically that Granger creature, were improved by the transformation into badgers but unfortunately Headmaster Dumbledore disagreed. Your shoddy workmanship has cost the school both time and money. I have attached a bill. See that my account is credited immediately.

You should consider yourself lucky that I continue to patronize your shop.

Professor Snape


	9. Grief

The Magic Box  
742 Maple Court  
Sunnydale, CA 93063

5 March 2001

Professor Severus Snape  
Defense Against the Dark Arts  
Hogwarts School  
84, Charing Cross Road  
London, W.C. 2

Dear Professor Snape,

Bite me. I don't care about your lousy order. No, that's not true. I do care but everything seems so pointless. Joyce is dead. Xander's been crying and punching walls, and I just don't know what to do. Now that the funeral is over it seems we're all supposed to just go back to our lives as if the world hasn't been turned upside down.

As you've requested, I've applied the amount on the bill that you submitted to your store credit. I've also added the cost of the Nux Myristica and shipping. We value your patronage and hope you don't die of an unexpected brain tumor.

Anya Jenkins


	10. The Detrimental Effects of Daemon Troglo

9 March 2001

Miss Jenkins,

I do apologize for the owl. I believe this article on "The Detection of the Detrimental Effects of Daemon Troglodytarum on Herbal Properties" might be of some use to you and wanted you to receive it as quickly as possible.

Professor Snape


	11. Enclosed Charm

9 March 2001

Miss Jenkins,

I do apologize for the second owl. I decided it would be more efficient if I worked the spell for you. The enclosed charm will indicate whether herbs have been mutated by close proximity to a troll. If I can be of further assistance, do let me know.

I have been informed by a reliable source that the cost of the supplies I used in this charm amount to $67.12. Please adjust my store credit accordingly.

Professor Snape


	12. Apologies

The Magic Box  
742 Maple Court  
Sunnydale, CA 93063

10 March 2001

Professor Severus Snape  
Defense Against the Dark Arts  
Hogwarts School  
84, Charing Cross Road  
London, W.C. 2

Professor Snape,

I have been informed by Miss Jenkins that this letter will reach you if given to one of these owls. A copy of this letter will also be mailed to you.

Please accept my apologies for the inappropriate letter sent from this shop on the fifth of March. I can make no excuse other than to say that Miss Jenkins was distraught, we all were, at the death of a friend of the shop.

I will personally handle your business correspondences in future.

Rupert Giles  
Proprietor


	13. Reprimand

11 March 2001

Mr. Rupert Giles,

My correspondence will be handled by Miss Jenkins.

Professor Snape  
Defense Against the Dark Arts  
Hogwarts School


	14. Requisition

11 March 2001

Miss Anya Jenkins,

Once again I find myself apologizing for owling our correspondence, but I wanted to immediately address the shopkeeper's misapprehension that I am unsatisfied with your assistance.

I require 3 oz of Belladonna that has been exposed to the Sunnydale Hellmouth's energies for no fewer than 153 and no more than 155 days. In addition, I require 4 oz of Mugwort that has been exposed to the Sunnydale Hellmouth's energies for no fewer than 209 and no more than 211 days. Finally, I require 1 oz of Tongkat Ali that has never been exposed to the energies of a Hellmouth. You may send your response back with this owl.

These herbs are required for an exacting spell. I trust you and only you to process my order correctly.

Professor Snape


	15. Tongkat Ali

13 March 2001

The Tongkat Ali is being shipped out tomorrow from Magickal Herbs, which is located in Los Angeles. The package should arrive within two to three business days after it has been sent, so the 16th or 17th of March.

You will be pleased to know I've asked Willow to look into a spell to keep demons out of the shop. If there's a keep-away spell for vampires, there most certainly should be one for other kinds of demons, even if Giles hasn't heard of it. And don't you worry about being charged for this keep-away spell. Willow has used plenty of the shop's supplies without paying and Olaf, the troll who trashed our shop, was brought in by a spell of hers anyway. She owes us a bit of protection.

Sincerely,  
Anya Jenkins  
Customer Relations


	16. In-store Lessons

The Magic Box  
742 Maple Court  
Sunnydale, CA 93063

9 May 2001

Professor Severus Snape  
Defense Against the Dark Arts  
Hogwarts School  
84, Charing Cross Road  
London, W.C. 2

Professor Snape,

In reference to your order from the 26th of April, I cannot send you the Horklump Juice, Wormwood, and Chizpurfle Carapace that you requested immediately. These herbs, among others, had been restocked by one of the previous owners, Elsa Lanchester. I may have mentioned her before? Not only do I have the vaguest idea of when she bought the supplies, but she mixed them in with previously stocked items. I cannot begin to guess how long the herbs have been sitting there. Maybe I can get rid of them in a Mother's Day clearance. Heal your mother's gout with Horklump Juice, something like that anyway. People still do have gout, don't they? Anyway, I will have to completely restock and leave them sitting in the basement, soaking up Hellmouth energies, until they've reached the potency you've specified. Please accept our apologies.

I do have a question. One of my customers wants to use Agrimony in a spell for clear vision. I've been perusing that journal you mentioned which has led me to books on magical herbs, and from what I've read Agrimony would more likely send her dreams, false visions, and hallucinations. I've sold her the Agrimony of course but I feel, as someone working in a magic shop, that I should inform her how this spell could go wrong. Of course I then realized that other customers must be equally clueless, and that if I gave lessons on the magical properties of herbs, I could not only charge for those lessons but also bring in more customers and thus sell more herbs. I'm still working on convincing Giles. He became quite agitated on the subject, saying I might end up teaching unethical wizards how to, in his words, wreak havoc more effectively. To be so upset by the idea, I think he must know some unethical wizards himself which, given what I've heard about his background, is not at all surprising.

Anya Jenkins  
Future Instructor on How to Use Magical Herbs in a Safe Yet Effective Manner


	17. A Spell for an Ignorant Muggle

Hogwarts School  
84, Charing Cross Road  
London, W.C. 2

15 May 2001

Miss Anya Jenkins  
The Magic Box  
742 Maple Court  
Sunnydale, CA 93063

Miss Jenkins,

Your Mr. Giles is not entirely incorrect. Even at Hogwarts there is a concern that the knowledge we teach may be used in an unethical manner. However that does not mean all knowledge should be kept under lock and key. If that were the case, Muggles would still be throwing stones at each other. I recommend you limit your instruction to harmless magic. Amber Martin's book, a piece of claptrap known as _The Witches Book of Spells_ , should be both safe for Muggles and also idiotic enough to keep them amused.

As for your Muggle customer, anyone that ignorant should not be practicing magic. Tell her to combine one-quarter of an ounce of Scurvy Grass, one-sixth of an ounce of Lovage, and one-eighth of an ounce of Sneezewort in four ounces of water. Have her stir counterclockwise three times. That should prevent her from ever again attempting magic.

Professor Snape


	18. Sad Sex

The Magic Box  
742 Maple Court  
Sunnydale, CA 93063

26 May 2001

Professor Severus Snape  
Defense Against the Dark Arts  
Hogwarts School  
84, Charing Cross Road  
London, W.C. 2

Professor Snape,

What were you thinking? If that spell had my customer away from magic, she'd never come back and she'd never spend more money here. That's the exact opposite of what I want. There is no way I'm giving her that spell.

Everything here is both good and bad. We saved the world, good, but it took Buffy's death, bad. Xander proposed, which should be good, but he says we can't tell anyone yet, and I don't understand why. That's happy news. It should cheer people up, but he says no.

If I'd given it any thought, I'd have imagined that post-engagement sex would be extra-wonderful, just like end-of-the-world sex except possibly even more so, but Xander proposed just around the time that Buffy died and we've been so sad that even sex isn't as fun as it should be.

And it's not fair. Joyce died just last February. We haven't had even a year's worth of mourning and now Buffy's dead too. After someone has died, you should get at least a couple of years, maybe three or four, before anyone else is allowed to die.

Anya Jenkins,  
Customer Relations

Oh, I almost forgot. Do you know how to find an Urn of Osiris?


	19. No Longer Welcome at Hogwarts

7 June 2001

Miss Anya Jenkins,

Please forgive the owl. My situation has changed. I can no longer be contacted at Hogwarts. In fact, they are unlikely to forward my messages.

Forward the Horklump Juice, Wormwood, and Chizpurfle Carapace – once they have reached the specified potencies – to Hogwarts. The remainder of the items I have requested, particularly the Belladonna and the Mugwort, must be returned to me via owl.

While I do understand that you dislike the creatures, it is currently impractical for me to receive any items via Muggle Mail. Therefore I am giving the owl, Hesperos, to you to expatiate the arrival of my packages.

Severus Snape


	20. Concern

What's wrong?

Anya


	21. Needlessly Exhausting the Owl

9 June 2001

Miss Anya Jenkins,

Please do not send the owl to me unless you are fulfilling an order. Multiple trips needlessly exhaust them.

Severus Snape


	22. Xander's Old Apartment is Available

7 July 2001

Professor Snape,

Here's the Deadlyius you ordered. You can't pretend nothing's wrong and expect me to go along with it. I've been watching the news. The death rate in London is almost as bad as on the Hellmouth, and I see that the Headmaster of Hogwarts has died. If you need a safe-house, well, we can work something out. Xander's old basement apartment is still available.

Anya Jenkins


	23. Inefficient Muggle Mail

8 July 2001

You misunderstand my situation. While it is true that Professor Dumbledore has died, I expect to have returned to Hogwarts by the start of the school year. Your interference is both ill-advised and unnecessary.

However, once I have returned to Hogwarts, it would be more convenient for me if we continued to communicate via owl rather than by your inefficient Muggle mail.

Severus Snape


	24. Ashamed?

9 July 2001

Professor Snape,

Communicate by owl? You're hiding me, aren't you? Are you ashamed of getting your supplies from a Muggle shop? I'll have you know that The Magic Box is the equal to any magic shop you've got going in England. And I've never hidden from anything. Well, there was that one apocalypse that I ran from, but since then I've never run and I've never hidden. Except for that time in the Winnebago, but the less said about that, the better.

Anya Jenkins


	25. You Bloody Idiot!

10 July 2001

You bloody idiot!

Don't you know that owls can be tracked? How many times do I have to tell you? Don't send Hesperos to me unless he's delivering a package. Too many trips back and forth could draw unwonted attention to your shop.

Severus Snape


	26. you misogynistic, patronizing, annoying

11 July 2001

I am not an idiot and you don't have to protect me. I live on a Hellmouth. Do you really think I can't take care of myself, you misogynistic, patronizing, annoying guy?


	27. Flirting

11 July 2001

Please, for the sake of my heart, never again send a message via demon, especially a female demon. I have the most disturbing feeling she's flirting with me.

Your living on a Hellmouth is all the more reason to avoid drawing attention. You're in enough danger already.

Severus Snape


	28. What's Wrong With Demonic Flirting?

12 July 2001

Severus Snape,

Fine, no demons, but you can't complain when I send the owl. And I'm sorry about Hallie. She can come on a bit strong, but that's considered a good thing in a demon. And, hey, what's wrong with a little demonic flirting? You think demons don't need love? It's supposed to be all blood, torture, and viscera and nothing more?

Anya Jenkins


	29. Few I Can Trust

13 July 2001

Miss Anya Jenkins,

I am returning Hesperos because I'm afraid you will write via Muggle mail without him but, please, given the danger of the wizarding war, it is imperative that you minimize contact.

Please. I have few enough contacts whom I trust as it is. It would damage me more than you can know if you came to harm.

Severus Snape


	30. What I Want Is Just Out Of Reach

5 September 2001

Headmaster Snape,

Never pull that "it would hurt me so much if you were hurt" crap on me again. Don't you think I feel the same way?

And before you get upset over the owl, don't. It's delivering the Belladonna you requested. The herb has been absorbing Hellmouth energies for 154 days, 7 hours, and 15 minutes which is well within the range of 153 to 155 days that you requested.

I see that you are Headmaster of Hogwarts now. This means you could make The Magic Box your official school supplier. It's not as if the mailing time is a problem. Owls are darn quick. And maybe if Giles thought I'd brought in a big customer, he'd finally leave for England like he keeps promising.

It's just all so annoying. He keeps not leaving. When – if – he does finally leave, I'll get to be in charge here. You have no idea how frustrating it is to want something and have it be just out of reach. And nobody else seems to think it's wrong for Giles to keep teasing me like this. Xander keeps telling me to be patient, but then again he's still Mr. Let's Keep the Engagement to Ourselves, Honey! This isn't fair and nobody's on my side. Heck, Xander's friends don't even know there's a side to be on since he's refused to tell them we're engaged.

Anya Jenkins


	31. Never Think I Don't Understand

8 September 2001

Never think I don't understand your anguish. Ever since I've been a child, I have loved only one woman; she married another. For fifteen years, I'd aspired to a post I was denied, only to watch incompetents and fools take it over. I understand unfulfilled desires.

In that he does not recognize a treasure when he holds it in his hands, your Xander is a witless idiot.

I have recently run across an Urn of Osiris in Borgin and Burkes. I'm afraid I cannot purchase it for you. Any interest in resurrection is considered highly suspicious by the current administration. As Borgin and Burkes would not respond well to a Muggle, perhaps you could locate an intermediary to purchase it for you?

Snape


	32. Purpose

30 October 2001

Headmaster Snape,

Fine, I kept the owl here and haven't sent you any messages. Happy now? Just so you know, I feel like I'm in high-school selling drugs to young adults. These items I'm sending you aren't illegal in England, are they? That would explain so much. Anyway, your Mugwort has finished charging so apparently I'm allowed to write you.

I'm sorry to hear about that woman who wouldn't marry you. I don't know what I would do if Xander married someone else. I think I'd feel as if the world was crumbling beneath my feet, which is a feeling I am familiar with, but not in a literal sense. It's just that I did one thing almost my whole life and then poof! It was just gone, taken away from me. I felt lost. I had no purpose. I'd never felt so alone. Sometimes I think I've allowed Xanders's purpose to become my own. No, not Xander's purpose. It's more his friend's purpose except it is Xander's also because he's taken on her purpose.

The friend has been incredibly bitchy since she came back. She's having all kinds of financial difficulties and I suggested a way that she might make money. Her response? "That's an idea that you would have." And, okay, it doesn't sound that terrible as I'm writing it out, but the way she said it made it sound like a bad idea, which it wasn't. I do not understand people sometimes. It's as if she wants to work at a subsistence-level job rather than make money for something she's already doing.

Speaking of jobs, I would love to tell you that Giles has finally left and that the shop is mine, but I can't. He came back. I know he's plotting to take the shop away from me. He says he's not and of course Xander is siding with him, saying that Giles doesn't want the shop back, but this place is a real money-maker and Giles is used to being in charge and coming up with ideas on how the place should be run, and I'm sure he never liked any of the ideas I came up with so of course he's going to try and take it back, and it's like Xander doesn't even want to understand that. Sometimes, even with Xander, I still feel all alone.

Anya Jenkins


	33. Request

31 October 2001

Anya Jenkins,

Thank you for completing my order with the Belladonna and the Mugwort. I knew I could trust you to handle it properly. I also appreciate your complying with my request to limit Hesperos' trips to Hogwarts. I do not lie when I say that I need certain people to trust me and that our communicating would look suspicious. Do believe, however, that I wish we could write more often.

I have a request to make of you. As you may suspect, my tenure as Headmaster is not all I could wish for. I would prefer you not use that salutation. Since we seem to be communicating in a manner beyond that of a normal business relationship, I would like, that is I hope I can consider you a friend. If you feel the same, I would be honored if you would refer to me as Severus.

Severus Snape


	34. Engaged

1 November 2001

Severus,

I know you don't like Hallie but you don't want me to send Hesperos and I had to share my happy news. I had the most astounding day. Not only did my friends, my local friends that is, help me make heaps of money, but Xander, out of the blue, stood up and announced our engagement, and on top of all that, you've realized we are friends, which is great although kind of obvious. I've considered us friends for months now. Honestly, my life could not possibly get better, well, except for Hallie. She doesn't believe Xander is an appropriate fiance, and when I try to explain, she garbles my words and twists my meanings. Perhaps you could talk to her for me?

Do you think you could make the wedding? We haven't set a date but are thinking late February or early March. I know it's a long way to travel, but can't you wizards just pop over? If not, I can ask Hallie to pick you up. She's going to be one of my bridesmaids. My other bridesmaids are all Xander's friends. I mean, they are my friends too, but he's known them longer. I want someone who's happy for me – more happy for me than for Xander – and who doesn't actively dislike Xander.

Anya


	35. Can't Leave the School

1 November 2001

Anya,

I am happy for you, but I'm afraid I can't leave the school. Isn't there anyone who knows this Xander but isn't as close to him as your bridesmaids are?

Severus


	36. If Our Love Is True

Bonus chapter because Restfield gifted me with an amazing cover for this story. Viewable here, archiveofourown dot org slash works slash 5357717 slash chapters slash 12373313, or here, dragonyphoenix dot livejournal dot com slash 407015 dot html

14 November 2001

Severus,

I know I shouldn't owl, but everything has gotten so difficult here. Vampires crashed thorugh the store window and destroyed much of my merchandise. I'm hoping the insurance will cover it, but you would not believe what they consider Acts of God in Sunndale. And you know what? Acts of God are the exact reason we have insurance. I can stop a human who wants to damage my store. I want to move the store away from Sunnydale, leaving this shop as an annex so that I can still sell Hellmouth-charged herbs, but Xander has responsibilities here. Basically he won't leave his best friends even though it's dangerous and having the shop in Sunnydale costs me money. Are there rabbits in England?

On top of that, one of Willow's spells removed our memories. We know who we are now, obviously, or I wouldn't be writing you, but while our memories were gone, Xander thought he was dating Willow. I don't know how he could have made such a mistake. He's my fiance. If our love is true, then he shouldn't be thinking about other women even if they are gay and won't marry him. And anyway, it's not my fault that I kissed Giles. Willow performed the spell. It's her fault. And I can't help it if Giles is a better kisser than Xander. Do British men take classes to learn to kiss so well? Because Xander, much as I love him, could use such a class and Giles had ordered me to never mention it again.

I still wish you could come to the wedding, but I have thought of someone I can invite who'd be more on my side than Xander's.

Anya


	37. The Mistake of a Moment

15 November 2001

Anya,

If this Willow were at all competent, I'd suggest she repair your shop and merchandise, but if a mere memory charm is beyond her skills, I would certainly not trust her with Reparo.

As for your Xander's dalliance, while it can be excused by the erasure of his memories, I can not imagine any circumstances under which I would not immediately recognize the woman I love. However, Xander is not the only young man to have done something idiotic. We all have. He's fortunate in that his idiocy hasn't driven you way. Don't let the mistake of a moment ruin both your lives.

Inform Halfrek that if she ever grants another wish at Hogwarts I will transform her into a ferret and feed her to Hagrid's Blast-Ended Skrewts.

Severus


	38. RSVP

The delightful Red Satin Doll created an image for this RSVP. It can be seen archiveofourown dot org slash works slash 5357717 slash chapters slash 13002742 OR dragonyphoenix dot livejournal dot com dot 398747 dot html

RSVP by the 15th of January.

Name(s): **Cordelia Chase – Are you fucking kidding me? Hell no. I most definitely won't be there.**

WILL ATTEND X WILL NOT ATTEND


	39. Like Me More?

2 December 2001

Cordelia,

None of my wedding books discuss the protocols for inviting your groom's ex to the wedding, but just to be clear, I am not trying to flash my good fortune in your face, no matter what Willow says. It's just that, well, Willow and Buffy, I know they're my friends too, but they feel more like Xander's friends. They've known him for so much longer. Hell, Willow's practically known him forever. And I understand that they're happy for both of us, even if Willow did seem wigged when Xander announced our engagement, but I want someone who's happier for me than for Xander, and I can't explain that to Xander because even I can tell is sounds petty.

I know that you've dated Xander and that makes you possibly not the best choice, but who do I have to choose from? Almost all my Sunnydale friends have been best buds with Xander from before I'd even met him. You, however, are over him which makes you the perfect person to be more pleased for me than for Xander, and also you were my first friend in Sunnydale. I know we had that whole I granted your wish and got you killed in another dimension experience, but I'd like to feel we've both grown beyond that little issue.

Please come to my wedding. I need someone there who knows Xander but likes me more. I am assuming that you do like me more but he almost got you killed, and I know I got you killed in another dimension but in this one I haven't hurt you at all so you do have to like me more, right?

Anya


	40. Bringing a Date

6 December 2001

I'll be there. Bringing a date.

Cordelia


	41. Jilted

5 March 2002

Dear Mr. Snape,

Hi, I'm Cordelia Chase. You don't know me. I'm writing for Anya. Xander dumped her at the altar and she's in a total state. I'm taking her to LA with me so when you do that owl thing, send it to the Hyperion Hotel. It's at 1481 Hyperion Ave. but from what Anya says the owl doesn't need an address to find her.

I know you have a whole "battling the forces of darkness so you can't leave town" thing going on, but Anya needs her friends right now.

Oh, and I'm supposed to apologize for sending this with Hallie, but demonogram is the quickest way we have to get it to you, so suck it up. Who in this day and age doesn't carry a cell?

Cordelia Chase


	42. To Hell and back again or something like

From: QueenC  
To: anya  
Date: Wed, Mar 27, 2002 at 7:23 AM  
Subject: To Hell and back again or something like that

So, we're finally back from Quor'Toth. I almost don't want to thank you for helping us get there. That fiery hell-pit of a dimension practically ruined my complexion. We're talking about massive amounts of moisturizer being required, but Angel has Connor back so it was all worth it in the end.

Tell Giles to get stuffed. If he'd wanted you to say in Sunnyhell, he should have gone to the wedding and made Xander go through with it. If Giles is that concerned, he can go back and run the store himself or interview Mike and confirm the kid can handle it. And before you go there, yes, I know you meant for Mike to handle the shop only while you were on your honeymoon, but you did say he knows his magic and after managing a Doublemeat Palace for six months, your shop has to be a step up for him. I think he'll be fine. He's definitely grown as a person. You should have seen that Goth loser look he sported back in high-school. Believe me, we are both grateful he's over that. He's almost cute now.

Speaking of hotties, how is tall, dark, and taciturn? Granted, he could go head-to-head against Angle in a brood fest but get him out of those robes and into a decent outfit, and he'd be worth being seen with. Plus, apparating into Sunnyhell in your hour of need, that didn't suck.

Cordy


	43. Lily

From: anya  
To: QueenC  
Date: Mar 28 at 7:17 AM  
Subject: Re: To Hell and back again or something like that

Severus is pleasant to look at even if I do get to see him only once a week because he thinks it isn't safe to sneak out of Hogwarts. I think he'd make an excellent father, even if he isn't fond of the children at school. They sound like a bunch of troublemakers to me. Severus' children would be quite intelligent, which I do realize would make them more difficult to raise, but I believe it would be worth it.

Not that I'm likely to find out. Severus is still in love with Lily, or he believes he is which amounts to the same thing. I think he's under a curse or maybe not a curse exactly, but he was in a highly emotional state when he was holding Lily after she'd been killed, and there was all that magic running around the room. I think some of that magic zapped Severus, enhancing his love of Lily to protect her son. I'm pretty sure the spell will remain in effect until that Harry Potter boy is safe, which means until their big bad is dead.

I believe that Dumbledore – he was the Headmaster of Hogwarts before Severus – anyway, I believe he knew about the spell but left it in place because it made Severus do what he wanted. I'm glad that Dumbledore is dead. He was very manipulative.

Anya


	44. Another Wedding

From: anya  
To: QueenC  
Date: Mar 28 at 3:05 PM  
Subject: Re: To Hell and back again or something like that

Maybe it's just as well that Severus thinks he loves Lily. I'm not sure I could handle another wedding, getting my hopes up only to have them dashed. If I went through something like that again, think I'd do something desperate.

Anya


	45. Wizards Are Stupid

From: anya  
To: QueenC  
Date: Jun 12 at 11:16 PM  
Subject: Wizards are stupid. Well, not all wizards. Severus isn't, but most of the others are

I know I haven't written for weeks but it's been so hectic here that it made living on the Hellmouth seem dull. You know how I've been wondering why no one from the wizarding world has come to see how Severus is doing? They all thought he'd died in the battle. Not one of them was smart enough to realize he'd been inoculating himself against cobra venom. Granted, when he apparated to my door – well, his door since I'm renting his home – Severus did look rather dead, but wizards have a high amount of stamina so they should have at least checked. If I hadn't been here to treat him with the anti-venom he'd stashed in his quarters, he would have died. Those idiots weren't even looking for him. They only came because they'd finally traced this house as one of his properties and wanted to assess it.

Well, as you can imagine, I didn't let that miserly little accountant into the house. Do you know what he did? Called the cops on me, wizarding cops, Aurors they're called. They crashed through the doors and wouldn't believe me when I told them Severus was alive. They did apologize afterwards and repaired the doors. Several of those Aurors have been guarding the house night and day because not everyone thinks Severus is a hero. That is distinctly not fair. Severus almost gave his life to defeat that Riddle baddie and people still think he's a traitor? That is so not going to stand and I have made my opinion known to several of these Aurors. I would go directly to the Minister of Magic, but I'm not leaving Severus alone until he's strong enough to defend himself.

Anya


	46. Safer With a Slayer

From: anya  
To: QueenC  
Date: Jun 17 at 1:31 AM  
Subject: Thanks for Buffy

Thank you for sending Buffy. Severus should be much safer with a Slayer in the house. But did you have to send Willow? Not all of those Aurors believe that Severus is a hero and Willow's gone all fascinated with the wizarding world, which should work to protect Severus since he's a wizard, but he's weak and irritable and not making a good impression. I'm afraid she's going to team up with those wizards against him.

Anya


	47. Hero

From: anya  
To: QueenC  
Date: Apr 18 at 8:15 AM  
Subject: I think we'll be okay now

I don't get wizards. Apparently all it took was the word of one young man and now everyone believes, or at least pretends to believe, that Severus is a hero. Obviously he is a hero and the huge snakebites should have convinced anyone but those idiots took so long to find us that the wounds had mostly healed.

Anyway, Harry Potter came to visit. He's the son of Severus' Lily. I didn't get to stay in the room, but Severus looks as if he's let something go or maybe as if something has let him go. Either way, he's better. That Potter boy should have come much sooner. I mean, I'm glad Severus isn't as ill as he's been, but he didn't have to be suffering all this time. He's sleeping now, Severus I mean. Whatever was said between him and Potter, it definitely drained Severus.

Anya


	48. Daily Dread

From: giles  
To: wrosenberg  
Date: Mon 10/21/2002 6:30 AM  
Subject: Help!

Willow,

Would you do me a tremendous favor? I'm looking for a text, the definitive work on magical energies, Wilson's _The Raising and Dispersal of Sorcerous Forces_. I'm specifically looking to determine how long magical forces might remain in effect after a specific spell has backfired. The spell in question would have been cast about seventeen years ago so I'm not holding out much hope.

And I suppose if I've told you that much, I should explain completely. Apparently Severus – Anya's friend. I believe you've met him? – has proposed. Normally this would all be well and good. That girl needs to get back to having a sex life of her own so she can stop criticizing mine. Damn, I can't believe I wrote that. How do I erase on this infernal machine? It just took me seven minutes to get back to this e-mail. Never mind erasing. Not trying that again any time soon.

Anya is concerned that Severus will leave her at the altar as Xander did. She believes that Severus has been loyal, to some woman named Lily and for a good number of years actually, only because he'd been bespelled. If the magical forces are still extant, it's possible I could determine if the spell created Severus' loyalty to this Lily or if the spell only acted up an extant loyalty. If I can prove it is the latter, then I have a chance – I hope! – of convincing Anya that this Severus wouldn't abandon her at the altar.

If you do find my book, get it here as quickly as possible. Anya has not yet acted on her threat to leave Severus and make a home on my couch, but I live in daily dread.

R. Giles


	49. Chat With Dumbledore

From: anya  
To: QueenC  
Date: Oct 23 at 3:19 PM  
Subject: Engaged

If you'd meted out as much vengeance to scorned and lovelorn women as I have and then been dumped by your fiance on top of that, you would never have given me that idiotic leap of faith advice. I'm just supposed to assume Severus is unlike every other man on the planet? Do you know what happens when you assume? Never mind. As unlikely as it seems, it turns out you were right.

I had a long talk with Dumbledore. Yes, I know he's dead, but look at how many people we know who've come back, and no, I didn't perform any kind of dark magic. Wizarding portraits and photographs contain the memories of the people they represent. Honeyduke's makes these chocolate frog candies that come with images of famous people, and I found one of Dumbledore. He was very nice to talk to. I learned a lot.

For example, I hadn't known that Dumbledore had told Severus to shop at The Magic Box. It had something to do with a spell and tracking something called a deluminator. I didn't follow it completely but Severus needed Hellmouth-energized herbs to locate that Potter boy and make sure he ended up with some sword. That's hardly the important part. Naturally, since you weren't there, you have no idea how many times Severus insulted The Magic Box and said that I should be grateful he deigned to shop there at all. Well, all the time he was saying those things he had to shop there because he needed herbs energized by my Hellmouth. As you can imagine, after I'd learned that I was ready to move onto Giles' couch right then and there, but Dumbledore told me to stay – not specifically to stay with Severus but to stay and continue our conversation. I'm not sure why I obeyed. I mean, I'm glad I did because what Dumbledore said next means I can marry Severus, but Dumbledore is merely an image on a small trading card. I don't know why he became a professor. He would have been so good at sales.

I'm sure I've told you that Severus' obsessive and long-term devotion to Lily was the result of a spell. Ha, I was right. Dumbledore confirmed it. I was worried that the spell had forced Severus to be loyal, which means he wouldn't necessarily be loyal to me or at least that he might not be loyal to me without having another spell put on him, and of course I can't put a spell on the man that I love. Severus is very good at magic. He'd be sure to notice. But Dumbledore said that the original spell, the one that had made him so devoted to Lily, had worked with Severus' existing personality. This means that Severus is naturally loyal and devoted to the woman he loves. So we can go ahead and get married because Severus would never abandon me or cheat on me. Dumbledore didn't put it exactly that way, but that's what he meant.

Anyway, with that and your advice, I have agreed to marry Severus. He was a bit huffy at first because I hadn't accepted him immediately but did understand when I said I was sure I loved him but not if I could trust him. Severus did look a bit askance when I said Dumbledore changed my mind, I'm not quite sure why. I do wish Dumbledore were alive. I'm sure he'd bring a wonderful wedding gift.

I'll talk Severus into apparating me to LA so you can see the ring. Would you be a bridesmaid? We're thinking of having the wedding at the start of Christmas break so we can take our honeymoon during the vacation.

Anya


	50. The Ring

From: QueenC  
To: anya  
Date: Thu, Oct 24, 2002 at 8:03 PM  
Subject: Congrats, but finally!

You bet I want to see the ring. Awww, and thank you for asking me to be a bridesmaid. Of course I will, but only if I get to pick the dresses. You aren't doing to me what you did to Buffy and Willow.

Cordy


	51. You Just Keep Telling Yourself That

From: anya  
To: QueenC  
Date: Oct 24 at 11:15 PM  
Subject: Re: Congrats, but finally!

What I did to Buffy and Willow? But they loved the gowns.


	52. Request the Pleasure of Your Company

Anya Christina Emmanuella Jenkins & Severus Tobias Septimius Snape

request the pleasure of your company

at the reception of their marriage

Friday the 20th of December

at six in the evening

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Reception to follow


	53. Settling In

From: anya  
To: QueenC  
Date: Jan 29 January at 3:13 AM  
Subject: Settling in

You know those Gryffindor students who've been treating me so horribly? It's not that I'm a Muggle at all. It's not even because they think Severus is a traitor. That Potter boy came to the school and gave them all a good talking to. He was very convincing. No, they didn't like me because they think Severus is too difficult an instructor. Given the recent wizarding war, you'd think they'd take Defense Against the Dark Arts more seriously. Well, that was easy to fix. I've let them know that I'm an ex-vengeance demon and that Severus listens to my input when deciding on punishments. They are much nicer to me now.

That's just as well because I'm thinking of opening my main branch of The Magic Box in Hogsmeade. Did you get into the village at all while you were here for the wedding? It's quite charming and full of wizarding shops. Obviously the herb shop in Diagon Alley will sell to the crowd that picks up their supplies before school starts, but I am hoping Professor Slughorn might agree to disclose the Potions supply list after the students arrive at school. I've also been suggesting to Headmaster McGonagall that The Magic Box could be Hogwart's official school supplier. She's very stubborn. I'm sure Dumbledore would have agreed. I have succeeded in convincing Professor Slughorn to teach an advanced class relating to the inclusion of Hellmouth-energized herbs in potions. No shop in London can keep up with me on supplies for that class.

Do you think you could convince Angel to come to Hogwarts when Severus is teaching the students to defend themselves against vampires? Maybe it would work better if you suggested to Angel that he'd be an assistant instructor rather than just a demo. Let me know.

Anya


End file.
